The Question With Special Answers.

What is love?
Why love?
When to love?
Where to love?
How to love?

I don't know. Yes. I'm falling in love again. This time it's special. First experience for me. Her name? I don't want to tell yet. Belum masa lagi. I'm still working on it.

I noticed that falling in love this time is different. Every sunday I go to church with her, buy stuffs with her, eat with her. I noticed that I felt relax and happy when we're together. Is this love? I don't know. I don't really know actually. after so many breakups, macam fobia dah ku mau bergerek.

But this girl. This girl, whom I met, so happy-go-lucky type, one who always smile no matter what happens, one who always cheer me up. Ku happy sangat sangat sangat sangat dengan dia.

To be continued. I'm tired actually. Datang bulan. Foul Mood for alost 3 days now.

Boom.

Hey. Lama dah sik update blog. Hehe. Malas ba. So how's life? Good? No? Typical la ya. Life la katakan. Me? Dari mula la.


STPM result tidak bagus. Sangat tidak bagus.. ku Feeling down sampai 2 minggu. Yang buat aku sedih sangat sangat ada Cikgu ni bgtau aku dapat result mcm tu sebab aku tak rajin. Frust habis la ku. apa ka ndak nya cikgu mdah giya ngan aku. WTF. mena. WTF. bukan lagi bagi dorongan ba itu. Bg stim mata saja kerja. So skrg tunggu result remarked paper tu. Sejarah sama Kesusasteraan Melayu. *fingerscrossed*


LOVE life, I met this girl, short, cute and Very religious one. Ketawanya one of a kind. Calie la. Ku feeling habis sama dia, sampai ku hilang mood jd org tak keruan bila dia dah balik Miri. fuh. nang Frust habis la ku. but right now, i'm feeling okay jak la. walaupun aku rindu gila ngan dia. :( Takpa la. Jodoh takkan ke mana-mana kan. ^__^


WORK ku nektok jd part time cikgu tuisyen bahasa cina untuk kaum bukan cina. terer kan.. pakei 3 language.. Bukan bahasa cina, tapi BISAYA, IBAN, MELAYU. bajik aku kan.. ku nang bajik.. bajik kwu. :P anyways I'm having the time of my life while teaching kids because it is NOT EASY to teach them.. Quite a challenge jua la katakan. ^____^


Now is 12.42. sekejap lagi mok tidur la. haha. ada masa ku akan update lagi. :) Bye..

Hello again. :)
Lama tak update here goes.

I'm currently having a Trial Exam for two weeks, the first torturing week are over, and I got 4 papers left. :)
Susah!! Tapi boleh la.. Dapat jawab. Thank God. ^__^

The real purpose that I want to publish now is about Politics related to church.

Sometimes i felt like the politic stuff just really annoys me. Literally.
I don't know why or what cause it but it really, really getting on my nerves.

Frankly, I don't like politics. The bad ones of course..

Then I saw this : "Politics, no matter the country, the people or even the church, if you're not ready for it, then don't even try to blend in. You'll get up being caught in the middle and die."

Then it struck me, it's true!
I remember back when I was very active in church, these things just won't stop. I don't know why.

Now I'm just being not-so-active anymore because I got a really big exam coming up in less than a month.

But to tell honestly. I've got a grudge in the church community. Why? Church Politics.

Typical typical typical. Why Bother?

Neh. The hell with it. It's not my business to begin with.

Adios.

Money and DSLR.

I Want It So Much. I Don't Care It's Canon Or Nikon.
I Just Want One.

I Just Don't have The Power To Purchase Either One Of Them.
I Just Don't Have The Money.

In Fact, I Even Doubt Whether I Can Make It To College Or Not.
I Just Don't Have The Financial Factor.

A Friend Once Told Me This : "You Got Some Natural Factor In Photography, You Should Go For It. For One With A Natural Talent In Photography Is Very, Very Rare."

For Once I Felt Happy.

But Now, I Don't Even Have The Tools To Polish My Skills. How Can I Be Happy?

People Said I Should Wait And Save.

My Savings Is On My Studies. Not To But Cameras.

I Just Don't Have The Money.

Anyone Out There, Who Can Listen To My Neediness, Please, Come And Rescue Me....

Father With A Mental Disabled Son.

Some people might think that :

"hey, how hard could it be to take care a mentally disabled children?"

My Answer , VERY HARD. in fact, its a lot tougher than taking care a normal children.

Parents have to look after their children with a whole lot more patience than normal children.

Touching to see parents willing to send them to special educational school early in the morning, then have to wait for them, and go back home that are far away from the school at late evening. 

I'm not a judge to judge them. for I, myself will be judge on the Judgement Day.

I'm not an ASS to treat them badly.

I'm grateful that I don't have to be a burden to my parents.

I'm grateful that I can take care of myself, with my own body, my own concious mind.

Let's just say that people who are mocking these mental retarded children are JACKASSes.

Let Me Ask You This : 

DO YOU MOCK THEM?

Some People Just Don't Know How To Appreciate Their Lives Better.
Even Kids Nowadays, Trying To Commit Suicide.
What The Hell Are They Thinking?
Come On.. It Is Seriously Not Worth It.
I Mean Like, For What?
Love? It Is Not Worth It.

Already Few Commit Suicide Cases Have Been Filed In Just 2 Months.

Ok Enough Talk About Suicide.

I Found Out That, Some Bunch Of 15, 16 Years Old Whimp Kids Are Trying Very Hard To Take People Out. Even Their Seniors.

Like Seriously, Its All They Can Do?
They Only Know How To Criticize, Yet They Are Not Aware That They Are Criticizing Themselves.

Such A Whimp.
Am I Criticizing? No. This Is The Truth About Them.

Someone Like Sidney Mohede :)

I Would Love To,

One Day,

One Heart,

One Desire,

One Dream,

To Being Able To Bring People Into Praise And Worship Sessions..

I May Be Nervous,

But That's Might Just My Kind Of Thing To Go On.

And Being On The Stage,

Just Like Below. :)

Staying Strong.

Stay Strong,

I'm Gonna Get Through This.

Each And Every Single One Of My Problems.

I Know I Am Not Strong Enough To Get Through This Alone.

I Know That I Have My Friends, True Friends That Will Help Me All The Way.

Not To Mention For Those Who Love Me As I Have Loved Them.

I Will Get Through This.

I Will.

Promise.

My Very Best.

I'm Trying My Best To Achieve My Goal.

I'm Trying My Best To Work Hard Now.

I'm Trying My Best To Be A Better Part Of Myself.

I'm Trying.

I Really Am.

Outside World.

Honestly,

I Will Be Very Nervous When I;m entering New School/College/University Someday.

I Will Be Handling New Environments,

Not To Mention Will Be Far Away From Hometown.

Afraid? Of Course.

This University Stage Is Particularly,

Literally Drain Your Energies Out.

You Have To Worried About Financial Problems,

You'll Miss Home, Miss Family, Miss Hometown..

Macam-Macamlah.

People Often Ask : "Why Are You In Form 6 While You Have The Chance To Go Out?"

I Literally Evade That Particular Question From People,

Because I Know That I Am Seriously Not Ready For The Outside World.

Maybe I'm Worried A Little Too Much.

But I'm Concerned About What Will Happen To Me When I Go Out Study And How It Affects Me.

I'm Not From A Rich Family.

Family Got A Whole Lot Financial Crisis Going On,

And Me Going Out Study Is Just Like An Super Extra Burden To Them.

That's My Particular Reason To Stay In Form 6.

I Really Suck At My Study Now,

But I Am Doing My Very Best To Improve It.

Tell Me,

Who Doesn't Want To Make Their Parents Proud?

Who Doesn't Want To Ease Their Parent's Burden?

Who Doesn't Want To Make Their Lives Easier?

Well,

Not All Teenagers Think Like This.

Some Parents Just Send Them Off To Study,

Just To Brag To Other People About Which Son/Daughter Of Them Has Higher Study.

Yah It's The Truth.

They Got Money.

I Don't.

In Fact, Not All People got Money To send Their Kids To College Or University.

My Mom Once Said " Don't Worry, Study What You Want, I Try My Best To Pay Your Bills."

She Smile At Me. Just Like That.

I Literally Cry Because I Know My Family Doesn't Have That Kind Of Money For Me..

While Some Other Rich Kid Just Escaping Class Cause Their Parents Got Money.

They Retake Classes With No Problems.

Life Is Just So Unfair For Me Right Now.

:\

Sitting In Front Of My Desktop,
Waiting For Anyone To Appear In Front Of Me And Say "Hi".

But No.
Nothing.

Lonely Ba.
And Boring.
I Want To Sleep.
But My Eyes Are Still Wide Open.

I Want To Text Somebody,
And Yet,
I Don't Know Who Shall I Text To.

Well.
Sometimes My Life Are Just So Full With People,
Sometimes Its Just Me With My Silly Imagination Accompanying Me.

Guitar Is Right Beside Me,
And Yet,
I Don't Know What Song Should I Play.

Books Are On The Shelves,
But I Don't Know Which Book Should I Read.

Tell Me,
Will You Cry If You Are So Lonely That You Don't Even know How To Handle The Loneliness?

Marry Me...

Marry Me :)

That Music Video Of Train Was So So So So Adorable!

Especially The Waitress.

Her Eyes, just Melt My Heart! HOHO!

Anyway, I Should Update My Blog Later On And Talk About Miri Later. XD

Simplicity

I Like To Keep Things Simple. 

No Hardcore Stuffs.

:)

Feelings.

When You're On A Beach,
What Do You Do?
I Tell You What I Do.

I Need My Other Half,
Right There With Me,
Holding Her Hand,
Walking Down The Beach.

Wah Bahagianya..

What An Awesome Feeling That Is.

In Fact,


Guys,
They Took A Lot Of Courage,
Just To Hold Her Hand.
Imagine That. :)


For Me,
LOVE is Something You Must Earn And Work Hard For.
Not Just By Feelings.


As I Walked Down The Beach,
Punyalah Jiwang..
Sabor Jer La.
Tapi Takpa.
I Know Someday,
This Moment Will Come.

Overcoming Obstacles.

Sometimes I Wonder Why in The World I'm Getting This Kind Of Problem.

Jealousy.

Pleaselah. Mau Jealous Apa?

Aku Cuma Orang Biasa Bah.

I'm Not A God.

You're Older Than Me,

Supposed To Be You Who Understand My Situation Is It?

Why You Have To Take Me Down?

Why You Have To Be So Childish And Simple Minded?

Ok.

Just To be Clear.

I Am Pissed Off.

Like Seriously. 

I Don't Like Being Treated Like That.

Especially When you Personally Ask Me To Help You.

 Then In The End I'm Getting Accused Of Doing Something Wrong.

"God Gave Every Single Person In This World A Different Obstacles." 

I'm Guessing This Is My Obstacle To Begin With.

What The Heck.

And Yeah, I Will Not Die For Not Having You In My Life, Believe Me.

 

Don't Worry.

I Will Be A Bad Ass Like I'm Supposed To Treat You Back, Like 10 Fold.

Cuz' I Believe In Karma.

You Always Deny It When You're Accused Of Doing Something And yet You Still Accusing Others,

It's Ok.

It's Not Us Human's To Decide That.

It's God's Decision.

So Everything You've Done To Me,

I'll Let It Be.

I'll Pray.

For You To Pay The Price One Day.

I Had Enough After All These Years.

These "Friends" Are Not Worthy To Call One. 

 

This Obstacle That God Has Given Me,

I Shall Overcome It.

Cause God Gave Us Obstacles Because God Knows We Can Overcome It.

I Will.

Soon Enough.

I Have My Faith To God, Right Here.
I Just Need To Clear "A Few Things" In My Life Before I Deliver It. 
 

In The Meantime, 

You Watch Yourself.

I'm Not An Asshole For You To Do These Things To Me Again.

 Believe Me. 

 

 

Holiday Mode

Apa Yang Mau Dibuat Cuti Ni?
Aku Pun Tak Tau.

This Is The First Time In......
12 years TAK BANYAK ASSIGNMENTS!!

2 jak.
BEST EH!
DUSH DUSH! haha

Guess I Should Do Something Good in this two weeks of holiday? XD

Relationship Life.

I Just Can Find A Decent Girlfriend For Myself.

Like Seriously..

Samada  

Jauh, 

Penjealous,

Kuat Curiga, 

Pijak Kepala, 

Curang, 

Liars.

Why?

Entah. 

Friends Always Told Me,  

"Neh You're Too Good To Her." 

"Kwu Baik Gilak Sampai Gerek Pijak Kepala Kwu" 

"Tu la Terlampau setia sampai gerek tak mau kwu gik."

I Was Like, Okay.

Maybe Girls Do Love bad boys?

Maybe Girls Do Love Unfaithful Boyfriends?   

Who Knows?

Neh. I've been through a lot with this mess.

I'm getting tired with it.

Every time I thought like 'that girl is the one' seem like just empty words. No meaning at all.

Why?

I Don't Know Either.

Is it wrong to be  

Faithful? 

Kind? 

Caring?

This Is Who I Am.

Yet Most Of Them Didn't Appreciate This Side Of Me. 

Used Me Like A Punching Bag.

I'm Taking The Fall For The Things I Didn't Do To Her.

Some Life Huh? 

 

 

Our Deepest Fear.

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

by Marianne Williamson 

The Stairs. :)

What I Meant Is School Stairs. :) Bukan Yang Ni..

Tangga Yang Telah Menemani Dan Menolong Aku Selama 1 1/2 Tahun.

Ada 4 Tingkat Kelas.

And My Class Happens To Be On The Top Floor.

I Don't Mind Anyway, I Can Lose Some Weight With These Stairs. :)

Balik Pun Pakai Tangga Ini, Cari Cikgu Pun Pakai Tangga Ini. 

Gi Toilet Berak Pun Pakai Tangga Ini. (Toilet Aras 4 Tertutup Kerana... Adalah.. Malu Mau Pdah. So Guys Kalau Mau Berak Mau Turun 4 Tingkat Untuk Pergi Ke Tandas. KECIAN KAN??)

Anyway....

My Way Of Seeing This Stair Is :

"Something That Leads You To A Higher Level, But If You Don't Use Your Full Strength To Climb It, You Will Not Make It To The Top."

Wonder How Many People Realize How Important The Stairs Is.

:)